Xeserox Land

As some of my closer friends know, I have a good number of friends over across the pond in the UK. I've traveled to the UK three different times and saw lots of new stuff each time. I loved vacationing in London and the joyous area of the UK known as England. I loved every minute over there, my absolute best friend, and the love of my life is there. I have learned quite a few things in my trips there, and I have learned quite a bit. I haven't learned just things about the UK, I have also learned quite a bit about the US by seeing it from the world's eyes.

One of the unique things about England that we feel here in the States is that they are all proper and civilized. No craziness, no malarkey. Just "pip pip cheerio" type properness. Let it be known that I thought it was quite a shock then I was taken to this café in London known as "Coffee, Cake, and Kink". This café that has a great cup of tea (or coffee if you like it), a really nice chocolate cake, and lots of porn displayed in a very tasteful way. I found myself going there more than I should have for my own good, but it was such a laid back atmosphere, that you would never expect to look up and see a very hot female in a corset walking in and striking up conversation about… well anything really. It's a lovely place that is a bit of a shock because you would never expect it in London, and well just how it's done and the patrons.

Another thing was something that was sent to me by my loving better half. As of late, we have been talking about a lot of serious topics that couples that are serious talk about. One thing that came up was a link on the BBC website about how to have a child. It was on the BBC's website buried within the formal stuff I'm used to seeing there, and it was straight forward and amusing. (OMG I think I'm starting to understand British humor… HELP ME.) It wasn't that though that got me to really post up this blog, and I am trying this whole more serious blog bit.

Basics of Rolling Naked in the Snow

Here is a very informative article about rolling around naked in the snow. Okay, so you get the idea of some of the things that my better half and I talk about. Hey, if you and your partner can't talk about sex there is something wrong with you and your partner, and that is for another time. I digress.

Now this brought a smile to my face, because if you look at the pictures I've posted here, you can tell that I had a good amount of snow to "play" with. I can also speak first hand that I've rolled around in the snow, just about naked. I still had swim trunks on, because I don't sit naked in my hot tub with my best friend Jay sitting across from me. I love Jay, but in there are just some things I don't want to show him. I will admit they are correct in saying that it is a pretty exhilarating experience.

What is shocking is that I have yet to see an American news agency, like the BBC, posting up something like this. In fact most new agencies in this area are too full of themselves bending their news to fit the agenda of those that pay them the most. As of late, I am getting annoyed with News here in the states. I know that the BBC is no different, but at least they aren't as biased as some of the News Agencies here. But once again I'm getting off on a tangent and moving away from what I am trying to talk about here.

More or less, what I am trying to point out is how censored our society is. While okay, we do have a large number of strip clubs, and adult book stores… no matter where they are put someone is always trying to fight them to get rid of them. Now I can understand why people do fight them and I'm not going to sit here and say that they are a good thing. In fact, I find the places shady and creepy. What I'm trying to say is, we have this high brow puritan attitude that sex is a bad thing in this country. We are so censored about sex that it's just baffling.

I point this out because most of us feel that England is this prim and proper place, and in my opinion it is. While they are prim and proper and they seem polite to us, they aren't afraid to talk about some of the cheekier things in life. I mean, have any of you seen the "Basics of Rolling Naked in the Snow" on Fox News? CNN? MSN? While I have seen things on MSN about having a better relationship and sex life, I haven't seen them do anything as fun as "Rolling Naked in the Snow".

The moral and my point here is more or less, we need to take ourselves a little less seriously. Sex isn't a bad thing to talk about if we set boundaries. There is no need to go so far that you are going into the details of how you pleasure your mate or yourself but at least being open to "cheeky" type things. Rolling in the snow naked is innocent cheeky fun and something you can talk about with some good friends, and not fear anyone looking at you strange. So why is it that most of us here in this country can't communicate like that with each other or our mate.

Then again, in the words of Denis Miller, that's just my opinion… I may be wrong.

Okay, so I looked at my last post and I saw that it was a back in November. Yeah that is a bit on the unacceptable side of things if you ask me. Honestly I started keeping a blog almost 3 years ago as a way to improve on my writing skill, and to help me gain a voice in my writing. While I have seen that it has done that, I shouldn't neglect writing in a blog completely because it has helped me and it can continue to help me. As a student, as a teacher and as a person really.

Though I need to make sure I know that a blog isn't a formal piece of writing and that is it prone for mistakes. I mean when I look back I can barely understand what I wrote. Also, now that I can use word to write my blogs, makes it a little easier for me to avoid mistakes and to correct mistakes when they crop up. I need to stop though because this is not what this blog is about.

More or less the New Year has come in and is about a month old already. Most things that I care about in the world are quiet at the moment, with one shocker… the death of Heath Ledger, which is extremely tragic in my opinion. With a New Year always come the New Year's resolutions. Most people have a bunch of things that they want to do better, and then most people forget about them after the first month. I write about mine a month later, because I wanted to only talk about the ones that I am currently keeping, but at the same time, I don't want to bore you with too many personal things. Resolutions I have kept… getting in shape (I've been at the gym and I'm still at the gym), strengthening the relationship with my girlfriend and really opening up to her in a way that I haven't with most people and trying to eliminate stress in my life (not so easy). And, to start blogging regularly…

On the blogging front, I honestly want to have more relevant posts on here from now on. Something that is worth reading and that may hold some insight into what I am doing, not just in my life but with my views. I'm going to make this blog something else for me other than keeping me in practice with writing, I want to use it to help me become better at communicating to other people in a clear way. Okay maybe a lot of the things I talk about have been beaten like a dead horse. You never know I might say something differently about someone or something that might strike you, in which case I do hope you leave a comment or a little feedback about what was written. Obviously it is going to be about things that tweak my interest. Sometimes it might not, you never know.

So more or less I am hoping to post up something interesting in here at least once a week. Something that picks my interest and has me wonder about things, or maybe even rant (and give valid points as to the rant rather than just have a bitch session like you find in most blogs.) and hopefully… get a dialog going with some people that read this blog.

So there you go… now I just need to come up with at least… 48 new topics…J let's see if I can do it! (This one doesn't count for this week)

Last week was an awesome week for me as a teacher. I honestly had a great time on this thing called the Wayfinder Experience. More or less it was a field trip our students took to spend 2 days outside in the world, portraying out a civil war. The reason we did the trip was to help bring to life some of the topics we are teaching in school, as well as help the students with character education. I was looking at it excitedly when we first proposed this idea to the school, and I'm still just as excited about it after doing the experience, wanting to do it again. I'm honestly looking into the whole winter experience that they are holding because of how much fun I had with the field trip.

So what happened? Why was I so into it? All are very good questions, and one simple answer. They gave me a foam sword, and told me to use my imagination. I brought with me my knowledge of martial art sword play as well as my abilities and knowledge of role playing, and character design. I used to RP on AOL for almost over 10 years. I had a beautiful dark angel character with a very gripping storyline that I just never wanted to end. In fact I never wanted it to end, and it's still kind of opened, that I could jump back into it at anytime if I really wanted to.

Well, the Adventure Game part, was this set up for a civil war between two factions. The students were dividing in half and in each side they were divided in half again into separate houses. They decided to put me on the western side as a barbarian. My students decided that they wanted me to be their leader. They suggested that I take the title of warlord, when honestly I wanted them to take control of this. IN most cases they did because they filled in the rest of the "house" we were a part of. We had a second in command, and a strategist. Then we had a group of mercenaries that I was just impressed with what they were coming up with and how they were doing it.

In the end, I was running around a park in the middle of Kingston, with a helmet on that had horns, with a foam sword and I was charging around trying to capture flags and just having a blast. Fake dying, throwing myself around as students sword battled me and even showing some students that, even though I'm a big guy, I can still move when I need to move.

Some of the greatest sword battles are the ones that students took the most advantage of the situation. I would have students get me into a nice epic sword battle, while another was hiding. The one in hiding would see that I was fixed on the one battle, and then come up and slash down my back, and it was AWESOME! It really was.

I've posted up some pictures from the event, most kids faces aren't in the pictures as best as I could. NO named definitely. I know I am one ugly dude, but I could have made a hell of a Viking! I really can't say much more, so I am going to let the pictures speak for me!

One of my greatest outlets in the past has always been to write. Why I write and let the world see it is still a mystery to me, but I do. There is something therapeutic about it that I just don't quite understand just yet. One of my old blogs actually tracks the progress of a long term break up between me and one of my girlfriends, and the long nasty road it was. That was a mistake to post that up at the time, she didn't like it.

This isn't going to end up being one of those blogs. In fact his is just one of those blogs that I put up here so I have something to reflect upon when I need to smile about something. It seems that things in my life start moving so fast that I can't seem to slow down to take a look at things around me. I have a moment right now to look around since not only did I slow down, the whole world decided to fall apart around me.

I have this honest to god pain in my chest. Not like a medical heart attack chest pain, but knowing that something is missing there right now because of things that have occurred right now. It's something that I haven't felt in ages, and I tried to promise myself that I would never feel it ever again, and yet here I am feeling it once again. In the past when it happened I would shut myself off to everything and just push past it but not this time. This time I need to feel the pain and learn from it. I cannot make the same mistakes I did in the past. I can't run away this time because I feel that I have truly lost something.

I'm 4000 miles away though. I am 4000 miles away working my hardest to make something of myself because I don't want to fall into the same mold as everyone else. I'm still fighting to really make something of myself within this world. I don't just want to fade in and be what everyone else is doing, though the more I fight against it the more I get swallowed up into it.

I remember, last December… the first Christmas… the day before she was about to leave holding her ever so tightly in my arms while a song played on my sound system. Pieces by the band Red. I put my face into her shoulder and I cried so hard because I knew when she left… she was taking a piece of me with her that I didn't want to lose. She was taking my heart and all the great times we had. She returned for Easter but once again… she needed to return to her world far away from mine.

The distance will is killing us… I said it time and time again and I wanted her to be here with me so bad. I didn't want her here so I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I KNOW what I wanted with my life. I know I wanted her. I still want her, but the distance is what killed us.

Fighting… between Christmas and Easter. Fighting… between Easter and the summer when I went to her world. Her world… a place that I knew when I was there I was absolutely in love with her. We didn't fight, we loved each other. No distractions, just us! The globe, Cheap-side, Covenant Garden, Coffee Cake and Kink, I31.. it was her and I hand and hand in every loving moment. Then fighting… fighting when we are apart.

No smiles or jokes, just tears and suffering. Hearts longing to be together once again and forever… but 4000 miles between us. I tried so hard not to fight… I wanted to apologize for my lack of support but nothing came out of it but a fight. Though I am FAR from innocent within any of it. Neither of us are innocent.

That's what I feel now… that sharpness of cold steel within my chest, knowing I'm in nothing but pieces now. I love her, but I'm lost in the clouds of the fights to see if I am in love with her.

A man so great even God calls him Sir!! says:

i think you know yourself your in love with her otherwise it wouldnt hurt so much

Why are we fighting like this always? We shouldn't have been… but I am nothing but pieces and lost in the confusion. Maybe I did deserve it. No maybe's about it…. I did.

If it weren't for where I was in life… if I had more time… if I didn't have a career… if I wasn't going to grad school…

I deserved it…..

I always do.